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Doing what you love, and dreaming big is, well, complicated.

How do we trust what we are going after will be something in the end that we really want?

How do we know it’s the right dream?

And why is it so hard for some of us to find out what it is we dream of doing? Why does the idea of dreaming big scare me so much?

Worrying about dreaming big and stepping out of your comfort zone is the surest way to keep you from moving forward and trying something new with your life.

Trying to dream big without looking at the challenges that you face and deciding that you will go around them as they arise is like jumping into a moving river without knowing your level as a swimmer and without understanding the river’s depth, flow and where the current will take you.

But here’s the thing:

Trying to change your life and go after your big dream takes guts and an understanding of why it can be hard, then accepting that fact and deciding to do it anyway.

9 Reasons Why Big Dreaming is Hard~

1. It’s Difficult To Know What You Want

The toughest part about going after a big dream is the process pushes you to explore who you really are at your core. This inner exploration is tough for many people and quite often, not much fun.

“Do you know what you want out of your life?” is the first question you need to ask yourself when you aspire to dream big. It’s a daunting question that people don’t often know how to answer and if they do answer this question they tend to state what they DON’T WANT from life over of what they DO WANT.

Dreaming big is basically about being willing to test yourself in order to find out who you are and what you are capable of creating. And you need to know what it is that you want.

Have you ever listed all the things you love to do and see if there is a similar thread running through them? Do you remember all the things you liked to do as a child? Do you remember why? Do you remember how certain playtime activities felt as a child?  Have you been able to recreate these feelings anywhere in your adult life? These “feelings” you had during “playtimes” offer clues into what you enjoy.

2. You’ve Been Told What To Be

You’ve been told what to do with your life for so long that it’s hard to know what it is you really want. When we were kids, adults were serious people, who worked to pay the bills.

You know, money doesn’t grow on trees . . .

As kids, we didn’t work for the most part, but we did have to go to school, which is really a watered-down form of work to prepare us for the “real” work world. As much as we may have disliked school, our parents felt their work was more difficult, and we kids had it easy.

It’s a cycle I hear over and over: “When is my child going to get a j-o-b?” And if the kid has a job he loves, I often hear the parents say, “When is he going to get a r-e-a-l job?”

Just get a job we’re told, be responsible–forget about loving it. Love your career if it is stable and has good benefits.

Sound familiar?

3. Dreaming Big Requires Change

Let’s face it, change is hard. Have you ever heard the phrase, “Better the Devil you know than the Devil you don’t”? Meaning, most people feel it’s better to live with something awful, rather than change to the unknown and risk having it be worse than awful–if that’s possible. We are intimidated by the unknown.

This is coupled with the fact that we’re too often motivated to change by only when we experience fear, regret, or guilt. Experts who study behavior change agree that long-lasting change is most likely when it’s self-motivated and rooted in positive thinking. (Source: Harvard Women’s Health Watch).

Change is a process, not a one-time event. Getting comfortable with change is a big dream requirement.

4. You Feel You Lack the Support You Need

You lack the necessary support you need to feel comfortable in researching what it is you love to do and want from your life. Maybe you feel like there’s no time to go after your dream due to family obligations.

Sometimes it’s the people closest to us who don’t want us to change, so you may have a situation where someone you love doesn’t help you make time for your big dream or ridicules you when you begin to step outside your comfort zone.

Maybe there are people in your life who when something good happens to move you forward on your big dream journey, they find some way to turn your triumph into something negative. It’s hard to stay strong and committed to that environment. This is why I stress the importance of finding a group that can support your efforts. There’s Meetups, Social Media groups, online websites with forums–there are so many places to find support without ever having to leave your computer.

5. You’re Not Sure of What You Value

You feel a little lost with pursuing a big dream because you don’t really know your values. Ask yourself: “What do I really value?” Is it time? Money? Freedom? Fun? Hard work? If you value time then you know the big dream you are searching for must offer you more time in your life. Or maybe you like freedom, then your dream needs to bring the feeling of freedom to your life.

But what do values look like?

List a set of core values you treasure. Compare it with the things you love spending time doing – is there something that stands out? Is there a pattern?

6. You’re Not Willing To Make Tough Sacrifices

Do you have the knowledge and skills which fit the requirements of your big dream? If you don’t, how much are you willing to sacrifice in order to add these skill-sets to your repertoire? How long are you willing to give your best shot? Are you willing to live on rice if that’s what it takes? Are you willing to forgo watching television, dinners out, or vacations to work your big dream?

Are you willing to work on your dream to the very best of your ability?

Not 60%, or 40% but 100%? If your book requires 23 re-writes to make it better, could you do it? Will you be willing to look at your dream efforts with a critical eye and be honest with yourself when you see that you are halfheartedly making an effort?

7. You Won’t Do The Necessary Research

You must find out about your big dream’s industry. Do you understand the expectations, the knowledge, and skills needed to achieve your dream? For example, let’s say you want to be a top blogger, have you studied top bloggers? Have you contacted them to find out what it takes to be a top blogger? Do you understand the time involved? How about the money it takes? What are the worst mistakes you can make as a top blogger?

And if an expert tells you that you can’t get there from the direction you are heading, are you willing to change course? How are you at accepting honest feedback? Are you willing to do what someone else suggests? Do you know the difference between good feedback and bad?

Are you willing to admit when you’re wrong? Are you willing to start over?

8. You Don’t Network With Enough People

You need to find your tribe. You need to network with people who live the dream life you want to live, so you get a feel for what it is like up front. You also need to hang out with people who share your passion and support you in achieving your big dream.

Do you know where there’s a group of people who can help you? Can you get comfortable with networking?

9. You Don’t Know How To Create A Plan

You don’t know how to get started, how to create a plan, or how to achieve your big dream. You don’t know what direction to go first.

Every first step begins with action, and the first thing is to write your big dream down at the top of a piece of paper (if you have an idea of what your big dream could be). Then write all the things you think you need to do to accomplish this dream. Doing this part alone is an accomplishment in itself and it’s the beginning of making a plan.

Is there a way you can do a little of your dream–something small–just to start?

Let’s say your dream is to be a published author. Maybe your “small” start is joining a local writer’s group who publishes members writings in a small booklet.

Or

Maybe your “small” is to write a 3-page story and work the 3-page story until it is something you love. Then, take it to a printing shop and have it printed on quality paper and enclose it in a presentation binder. Put it on your bookshelf and consider it a published piece.

Then decide to write something and pitch it to publications in your genre.

The point is to do your dream in a small way, a way that’s comfortable, and a way that begins to move you forward in your dream. And with each baby step do a little more research on your dream. The Internet and search engines is an amazing resource–use it.

As motivational TED speaker and author, Mel Robbins says in her book, The 5 Second Rule: Transform Your Life, Work, and Confidence with Everyday Courage,

“Pushing yourself to take simple actions creates a chain reaction in your confidence and your productivity.”

Now that you know 9 of the reasons why it’s hard to dream big, are you going to try anyway?

In 5-4-3-2-1 …

The post 9 Reasons Why We Find it Tough to Dream Big appeared first on Catherine M Hughes Web Content Developer.

Being a successful big dreamer requires that you are clear about what you want–right down to the look and feel of achieving your dream. This process requires that you eradicate negative thoughts interfering with you taking action.

Old negative thought patterns and destructive ways of thinking keep us stuck in the life we’ve come accustomed to living.

Let’s face it, breaking out of a negativity rut takes real effort.

To help with this effort, the following video by author, professional speaker and personal development trainer, Jeffrey Gitomer, discusses how to change your negative thoughts into positive ones.

6 Ways to get a positive mental attitude right now:

1. Surround yourself with positive things.

2. Read and listen to positive books, CD’s, podcasts, and videos.

3. Say everything in a positive way.

4. Believe you can achieve your dreams.

5. Don’t listen to others who tell you that you are nuts.

6. Start now and work at it every day.

Research has shown that positive emotions broaden your thought-action repertoires, enabling you to draw flexibility on higher-level connections and wider-than-usual ranges of precepts, ideas, and action urges; along with increased cognition, which in turn, creates behavioral flexibility that over time builds personal resources, such as mindfulness, resilience, social closeness, and even physical health.

“In contrast to negative emotions, which narrow the scope of attention and result in a rigid, scripted focus on what is threatening and harmful, positive emotions broaden one’s focus to include what is beautiful, affirming, and life-giving.

Thus, people can intentionally increase their positivity ratios by learning to widen the attentional lens to encompass more of the pleasurable, interesting, and meaningful experiences in life, making the painful and dissatisfying ones smaller by comparison.

In so doing, people can learn to self-generate upward spirals that resonate within themselves and between themselves and others to increase their odds of flourishing.” (Eric Garland)

Having a positive mental attitude is an emotion you control. Research confirms that creating positive feelings has a significant impact on the outcome of your big dream efforts and how much attention you pay to the opportunities presented to you.

Find a way each day to see where some good is working in your life and build a positive attitude platform around the good to increase your big dream success.

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Both types of budding dreamers put off taking action toward creating a more fulfilling life. These aspiring dreamers often tell themselves, “I know I should do something else,” followed by a million reasons why they can’t (or won’t). They put themselves down for not being like “other people” who successfully achieve big dreams.

Could this be you?

“I wish I knew what my life purpose is.”

“I have so many dreams that I can’t decide!”

“It’s too difficult to know what I want to do.”

“I just don’t feel like I can change anything at this time.”

As a budding dreamer haunted by the idea of changing the direction of your life but you don’t because the idea makes you afraid–you need to think small.

I know this may sound crazy, but the easiest way to create change or learn something new is to break it down into the smallest form. Think about learning to dance. You wouldn’t begin by dancing the Tango with a stranger in public and expect to be great. You’d start small with mastering the necessary steps before moving on to more complex dance routines.

Figuring out your big dream works in the same way. You’ll want to start small and build upon what you learn about yourself as you gain mastery.

Here’s How to Figure Your Dream in 5 Small Steps –

1. Get out three sheets of paper.

2. Write 0 – 10 in the header area of one sheet, 11 – 20 in the header area the 2nd and 21 – 50 (or whatever your age is today) in the header on the third sheet.

3. Place a large T divider line on all three sheets; dividing them into two columns with the header at the top.

4. In the left column header write This Gave Me Joy and in the right column header write I Felt.

5. Make sure you won’t be disturbed and list all the things you loved doing throughout your life on the left and how they made you feel on the right.

I walk you through this exercise and more in my ebook, Find Your Dream, but I promise you if you do just the 5 steps outlined above you will become more aware of what you love and what core values resonate with you.

You will also remember what satisfies you.

For me when I do this exercise, I see the connection between what I loved playing at in my past (bike riding, hiking, dancing, arranging dollhouse furniture, ice skating, writing, playing chess, gardening) and my core values of freedom, courage, adventure, imagination, and skill. It is no shock to me that my big dream of writing content and being able to self-publish on the web lifts my spirits because it encompasses what I loved doing (change through movement) and my core values. When your dream includes both, you become highly motivated to achieve it.

Welcome the Resistance

Sometimes when you use this exercise to narrow down what your dream is, mental resistance will appear suddenly. Emotional pushback is often a sign you are on the right dream track.

Best-selling author, Steven Pressfield, puts resistance this way:

“…the more fear we feel about a specific enterprise, the more certain we can be that that enterprise is important to us and to the growth of our soul. That’s why we feel so much resistance. If it meant nothing to us, there’d be no resistance.”

Resistance is a flashlight shining on what you are being called to become.

The practice of emotional freedom techniques refers to mental resistance as “tail-enders.” They are the “Yes, buts” you think when you explore something your subconscious fears.

Resistance shows up as mental counterarguments:

“Wow. I’d like to go back to college and take a creative writing class and publish some short stores …”

The “Yes, but” or tail-enders that may show up is:

“But I don’t have the time!”

“But how will I pay for it? I don’t have the money right now!”

“But what if I don’t like it?”

“But what if I fail?”

Unfortunately, too many people listen to their resistance by giving up instead of saying to themselves:

“Even though I fear [Name Fear: I don’t have the time to go to college], I am going to [Positive Statement: make an appointment with a college counselor and talk about this fear] because I deserve this dream.”

When you think about your big dream, and you see resistance thoughts of “This is stupid!” or “I can’t do this!” coming up for you, write these thoughts down. Try to remember if these thoughts are simply fear statements others told you when you were much younger and impressionable. Maybe you have an older sibling who used to tell you that all of your ideas were “stupid.” Or maybe a parent or a teacher made you feel like you couldn’t do certain things because you “lacked talent.”

When you reflect on where your resistance statements originated, you will often see that they are opinions others had about themselves that they projected verbally on to you. They took their fears and projected them on to you.

Fear begins with an initial experience where someone you trust crushes a piece of your bold spirit.  After this first painful experience, the world seems to show up to support this shame until subconsciously this fear becomes your personal truth.

Think about when you buy a new car, and suddenly you notice everyone seems to be driving the same car.  The world didn’t decide to run out and buy the same car as you; it’s that you made your subconscious aware of the type of car you want and it continues to point the car out to you even though you don’t need your brain to help you find one anymore. Your thoughts and awareness are capable of sending you signals that you don’t need anymore.

It’s like a coach stating you are a terrible athlete when you are 13-years-old trying baseball for the first time, then afterward, every time you try a new sport you make all kinds of mistakes because your mind keeps reminding you of what coach said. You begin to believe that you are not athletic, so you stop trying to learn any new athletic activity. Then one day as an adult, you decide to try your hand at swimming because you are desperate to be able to swim with your kids. You sign yourself up for swim lessons with an instructor who believes his ability to teach you how to swim. Through practice and working on your mistakes without quitting, you find that you become an accomplished swimmer. You can be athletic after all. That childhood coach was wrong about you.

Counter with the positive

When you see resistance coming up, practice adding a positive counter-statement like,

“Even though [putting on a swimsuit] makes me feel [foolish], I am going to [learn to swim anyway] because I deserve my big dream to [swim in a triathlon].”

“Even though [I haven’t written anything in 20 years] and I feel like [I am a bad writer], I am going to [sign up and attend the first night of a creative writing class] because I am a good person and I deserve to take a chance on myself.”

“Even though [my family always told me that I’m terrible with money], I am going to [set aside $10.00 a month for my travel dream to Ireland and not touch the money until I have enough to take my dream trip] because I am a kind and loving person, and I am going to be kind and loving to myself.”

By acknowledging your fear in a statement and countering it with a positive reframe, you will begin to calm the subconscious fear. As you develop your big dream, don’t ignore your unconscious resistance when it appears. Instead, take it as a sign that you are on the right track. Write the resistance thought down and create a positive counter-statement.

 “Even though I feel [state resistance fear], I choose [state what you are going to do for yourself and why you deserve it].”

Most importantly, trust that you do deserve your big dream because you are capable. You can figure out what it is you most want to do in this world.

Simply begin with small steps.

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