This week, 8 Women Dream added a new dreamer, Karen Alaniz who has arrived to tell the dreamers tale of starting over.

Isn’t that what a new year is about?  New beginnings?

Whenever there is a shift on 8 Women Dream the site ends up expanding and changing in ways I never imagined. It’s like hiking through a forest and suddenly stepping out into a clearing where the view puts the hike into greater perspective.

Your hike takes on a greater context.

I am not afraid to admit that it is difficult for me when a dreamer shifts off 8WD to do other pursuits in their life–all admirable dreamers in their own right for giving it a shot–but for a while it will feel to me like a hole has been left in my rose garden. I contemplate how will I fill that person’s dream space. What will happen now?

Where do we go from here?

These are the nights that I lay in bed practicing the deep breathing exercises pointed out to me in Yoga class where, I may or may not have, rolled my eyes as I placed my forehead on the mat.  I learn not to fight the positions by breathing into them. It is a way of letting go.

In bed, I’ll stare at the pale white ceiling, close my eyes, breathe in and ask for the next dream lesson, then breathe out and ask for a sign. It’s so scary that I dream of  getting up, having a glass of wine and taking it all back.  I squeeze my eyes for a second to add, “But please not toooooo difficult.” I then let it go while I imagine my thoughts floating out into the night sky for the heavens to breathe in.

And I wait as I work.

This time the wait lasted longer than it ever has in the past and I began to worry how the old year was going to end on 8 Women Dream and the new year would begin.  I decided to take some time off and enjoy the holidays for a change.  I wanted to really enjoy my son and his friends, spend time with my mom and relax into my life for a change.

Quite by accident, I ended up creating a new dream space for myself–complete with a new desk and a big screen computer my son had that I have been in love with since he first took it out of the box. He purchased his own gaming machine for Christmas since there was no way in God’s holy green hell I was spending that kind of money on a computer for video games.  In spite of this he still presented me his lovely flat screen PC that I love.  Once I got it from him I realized that it needed to be near a window looking up towards the hill above.

I also needed to set up a bookcase because my idea of keeping everything in baskets and pretty boxes wasn’t working anymore.

Then my dear friend, Elisabet, gave me a Christmas tree candle piece for the holidays.  I wanted it near me so I could light it while I wrote–sort of like having her unwavering faith in me hovering over me while I write and work.  This has suddenly become my new little corner of heaven.

It was in the middle of this moving everything around right before the holiday process when Karen and I made the decision to move forward with her dream story on 8 Women Dream. I liked that she was (and I believe still is) an amazing teacher.

A real teacher.

In our Google Hangout she was already teaching me while I was trying to teach her.

In the first few minutes of our video chat, Karen used a phrase that I don’t remember hearing before, “Psychic Distance,” is what she said. A phrase referring to the degree of emotional detachment maintained toward a person, group of people, or event needed to perform or complete a task like writing.

She was speaking about writing when she used it, but the phrase made me immediately think about when dreamers suddenly stop working on their dreams.

It’s sort of like that moment in therapy where the therapist thinks the patient is finally getting to their core issue when the patient suddenly decides that they don’t need therapy anymore and they stop. It’s as if some dreamers arrive at the edge of their dream diving board with all of their dream possibilities circling in the cool water below and not being able to jump. They decide instead to climb back down the ladder and leave the swim area entirely.

It’s taught me that dreaming needs to be done with a certain amount of detachment from the outcome.

You dream because you have to. It’s an itch you have to scratch. The dream won’t be silenced until you give in to it. But to be successful at dreaming you have to stop yourself from trying to control the outcome and from being too emotionally invested in how it is all “supposed to be.”  Your dream never ends up looking like you imagine. That’s sort-of the beauty of it all.  And you have to carry on–regardless of the hundred rejection letters, besides the financial constraints, in spite of the need to improve your talents, no matter what the competition does, and despite the fact that you don’t know how to make it work.

You have to be able to pull back emotionally and just enjoy the process of working to create something from nothing. Forget about perfect.  Replace perfection with giving everything your best shot then jump in feet first and don’t think about how the water is going to be.

The water doesn’t matter. The fact that you jumped does.

This dream week, I learned a new phrase; I met a great teacher; I made a new friend; I spent time with an old friend; I focused on doing only what I love (I’ll write about that later); I witnessed a new dream unfold; I mastered recording a Google Hangout, and I saw that the universe does listen to me late at night.

Gulp.

Carry on dreamers.

Catherine Hughes
Be a Success Online.

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